U get stoned?

Dear child,

No, crucified.

All my love,
JHC

i dont really get this site but i think its off the limit using jesus in this way!

Dear child,

I agree! Committing murder in my name, using my teachings to propagate hatred and intolerance to support a twisted agenda, starting a new religion because you can't stand the woman you married, collecting millions of tax-free dollars in my name to purchase mansions while children go hungry, inundating me with prayers of what you want to see happen instead of accepting our devine plan,

Yes, it's sometimes frustrating to be treated this way. But as my children, I can only hope you all grow up to be good people. Or doctors.

All my love,
JHC

So Satan, any big plans for the 4th?

Dear TG,

Just the usual. Barbecue some kittens, down a case of MD 20/20, then shoot bottle rockets at Canada.

Eventually yours,

~S

Dear Mr. Christ-

If you love me (like the song says), does that mean I can still get into heaven even though I'm a poopstabber??

Love,

Cb

Sent from my iPhone

Dear child,

All who accept us are welcome. Even a shirt lifter sausage jockey like yourself.

All my love,
JHC

Sent from my iMac

Dear Jesus,

The world seems a bit less funny to me now that Carlin has moved on. Sadness aside I was wondering, is he scheduled to play the Heavenly Comedy Zone for your dad, or will he be at The Hades Punchline doing a personal performance for Stan? You know, he didnʼt believe in either of you (or so he said).

Aza @ Surreptitious Psychosis

Dear child,

Yes, he's working for us now doing what he loved to do. Even though he didn't believe in me, all that praying to Joe Pesci paid off - especially when Joe stopped by with a baseball bat.

All my love,
JHC

Stan,

I believe men shouldn't wear shorts that are more than a few inches above the knee. I know most women feel this way too. What's your take?

Beth

Dear Beth,

You mean the 70's-style running shorts? The ones that you when you wear them on a hot day your junk sticks to your thigh so anyone who catches a peek thinks you sat on a baby bird?

Yeh. I'm with you.

Eventually yours,

~S

so what church do you go to? or say... what church WOULD you go to you know if u weren't up in heaven and all and that's another thing do you get electricity up there? or does zues jus toss a lightening bolt into you laptop?

will

Dear child,

I go to St Peter's By-The-Sea there on Shasta Avenue - when I'm not at my house in Beverly Hills. Do you sleep where you work? Off the clock, I mean.

Of course we have electricity in Heaven, dude. We also have flush toilets now too. Where do you think the phrase "shitty weather" came from?

All my love,
JHC